Dizzy

For the past few weeks I have been feeling completely dizzy and "out of my mind". Actually I have not even been able to keep any real thoughts in my head what-so-ever...until the other day when i had a heart to heart with my mom who asked me the tough questions i've needed to be asked and put me on the spot with my situation and circumstances. it was what i really needed! thanks mom!

so looking back, i remembered a song i truly love and cannot resist the urge to dance and sing along with. it is called "Dizzy" and it takes me back to a time when i was young and fancy-free! listen to it on the Sonific player i put up. it also has "Cecilia" by Simon & Garfunkel (though this recording is by a tribute band, so not as good as the original). I wish Sonific had more artists that i like that i could add to the playlist, but for now, these are 2 i love.

Listen and Dance! I am!

Million $$ Winners!

TK & Rachel won the Amazing Race 12!!
I love that a couple who are best friends and stay calm under pressure, can win a reality show. Shows that the Amazing Race is not a typical reality show made up of scripts and set-ups for "certain" people to be on top. at least i hope not...i am a bit naive and too trusting (especially with something i like) :) !!

i am learning how to be calm under pressure more and more these days. it is especially challenging living with my parents :) but it is a characteristic that i desire to have, so i allow myself to learn thru experiences.

Jacob & Jordan

I have two very special people in my life--Jacob & Jordan. The thought of them brightens my day. I have a photo of them by my bedside so I wake up to their bright smiling faces. There was a point in time when I did not know if they would live past the day, hour or second. But God has great plans for them, so He allowed them to continue on living to see the next days, months, and years. It's been a year and a half and they have come a long way. And now my brother, Aaron, and sister in law, Melanie, have more than they can handle most days (yet my brother seems to just blend in with the kids, being one himself!)

So if you've known of their story, here are some pictures to show how amazingly they've grown. If you don't know their story... Jacob & Jordan were born on April 28, 2006, 4 MONTHS premature.

My Utmost

my daily devotional right now is Oswald Chamber's--My Utmost for His Highest. check out the daily readings at www.myutmost.org/
Truly great wisdom!

Memories

i just finished watching Anthony Bourdain's No Reservations tv show and he traveled to Seoul, Korea. It made me think of my cherished friend, Jinhee, instantly! I miss her soo and the tv show reminded me of how Jinhee LOVES her food!! (such as I do!) one of the several things we have in common. Boy! do i miss having Korean food on a regular basis! I think I must travel north of the city for some beloved kimchi and bibimbap.

I will be in New York soon and will most definitely hit up Korea Town for some good grub! Hyon Jin, I am on my way!
I remember last February. It was part celebration and part sadness because my great friend, Jinhee, was leaving for her motherland :( I know she is doing well and getting used to her new life in Korea, but there is a part of me that is not the same without the daily/weekly presence of her around me. She has great optimism and hope, spurrs you on to do greater and grander things with your life, never forgetting that we will all be together again someday. I don't know if I truly showed her how much she meant to me when we were together, so i pray that she knows now. Thanks Jinhee! someday I dream to visit you and be amongst your bright spirit and smiling face again, enjoying kimchi and bbq, smelling of smoke but loving every minute of it!

I long to cherish and truly realize and live out how blessed i am to have this life. Reading a book like "A Thousand Splendid Suns" wakes me up to a reality that is disturbingly real for some women. I ask God for mercy for them and bow before Him, asking for a greater confidence to live boldly.

here is a picture of Jinhee and Heidi, last February, celebrating my birthday and her bon voyage.

Lightning Show

tonight there was the most amazing beautiful show in Chicago. it was performed in the sky, amidst the clouds. Lightning, dancing around to the beat of music i could almost hear. i absolutely LOVE it when i can sit and be still and marvel at God's handiwork! i see the world in a new way, capturing a normal occurance with amazement and awe. He does this for us so we know we are loved and special to Him.

my dear friend, Heidi, had her own show this past weekend. it did not consist of lightning, literally, but it did light up her spirit! time spent with a cherished friend can pull back the dark curtain to illuminate the truth of the good inside and the joy of the love equally shared. and for her to share it with me, lights me up too. our gratitude goes out to God who is faithfully by our side providing it all.

what good is it to overanalyze, hold it inside and have regret? much better to be candid, love from the heart, and be who you are with confidence!! that is life worth living!

i wish i had a photo of the show for you to see but i guess it would not be as spectacular as seeing it and feeling it in person! i bet you've had a show put on for you today, did you see it/feel it? i'm looking forward to seeing another tomorrow!

vi January mmviii

I've been reading "My Utmost for His Highest" by Oswald Chambers for a daily devotional. It is an old copy of my mom's that i found on her shelves of endless books. It says on the cover "the golden book of Oswald Chambers" and i already agree with that after just six days. each day is a little golden treasure of insight and wisdom, bringing you closer to the Holy Spirit living inside. i think to really get to the depths of it all, i will need to spend time meditating on his words. Yet, i have not disciplined myself to that point. i am too quick to read and assess and move on. taking the time to appreciate and internalize is something i value and aspire to, but is a great challenge to my mind at the moment. one thing i have had to do is to refresh my memory of Roman Numerals, since he uses them for his scripture reference. i think he is challenging our modern day minds just a bit becuz only the chapter is in roman numeral, for example: Psalm xcvii 2. can you remember what that would be?

so i am fighting with a cold right now, it has a grasp upon my throat but i refuse for it to travel elsewhere!! but most likely it will win and i will be like all the other red-nosed, groggy sufferers. if only i could isolate myself from all human beings during the cold/flu season. i blame it all on my co-worker, Bess. (someones got to take the blame) right when i was getting motivated to try out new recipes and such, i get sick and have limited energy to expel. such is always the case! at least i have a good book to curl up with (A Thousand Splendid Suns) and some great Korean green tea with brown rice!

Fear or Passion?

Going into this new year, I contemplate the past and wonder about the future. life is really all about choices (what an epiphany, ivy! Duh! i've probably said this to myself a zillion times, yet continually lose the directness of it).

God instilled in us free will and that which leads to choosing Him or not, and everything after that choice is or should be based upon that decision. Yet, I see in myself and in the world today, a confusion/a "limbo-land" we live in. If I would be steadfast in my decision in Christ, the choices that come to me in life would be made more simply. But i live in a confusion of what to do because I have not completely surrendered to Him and made a determination to be absolutely and entirely for Him and Him alone. I don't know if i even know how to be that with anything...doubt and devil's advocate and "it's greener over there" are persistently lurching on my shoulder whispering sweet nothings to me.

This all comes to me at a time that is Oh So familiar to me...the "Year & a Half Itch". and now it just happens to fall also at the beginning of a new year, so i've got a double Whammy! on my conscience. once again I am faced with a decision to be stuck in Fear or live on with Passion! Oswald Chambers reminds me "to be My Utmost for His Highest".

so is Fear my Utmost?? Really?? if I listen to the pitchfork lurching on my shoulder, it is; BUT, the Grandest decision I ever made and will ever make, is TRULY the ONLY thing I need to listen to and follow.