i have been "flameless" for a little over 2 weeks now. "flame" reverted back to old habits, but maybe they were the usual habits that were just hidden for a few months, waiting to resurface and raise their ugly head. so on to other projects...
on September 21 i walked a mile with my twin nephews to raise money for the NICU of Rockford Memorial Hospital, the hospital they were in for 4 months. In total, they raised over $13,000!!
on October 3, ivy...uppercrust pastry is donating 350 desserts to Playdough Palooza, a charity event for Children's Memorial Hospital. 200 mini homemade Oreos and 150 mini Carrot Cakes with cream cheese icing.
there is only 3 weeks left of the Prudential Plaza Farmer's Market, so please come out and visit us before we go inside to hibernate...actually we are having a trial run inside the Pedway on October 9th for our own little "market day". hopefully once the building sees what delight we can bring to their tenants and customers, they will agree to keep us on for the winter months.
and one of my most favorite people is coming to Chicago this weekend...Hello! Heidi Hoover!!! The Champagne awaits...and it actually came straight from France on the plane with me!!
02 October 2008
08 September 2008
Lawyer to Chocolatier
I just read in the new Wall Street Journal Magazine about a lawyer turned Chocolatier. Check out Askinosie Chocolate I have yet to find out where i can get a bar here in Chicago but in Park Slope you can find it in some little gourmet grocery. Reading their story and their business practices is very inspiring.
23 August 2008
Recapturing a day in Paris
Paris is such a beautiful city! The language barrier for me is hard so thank God i am around my wonderful mother who does not hold back and just butchers the language while trying to communicate. we applaud her for it all as we sit by and observe.
today, i was all on my own and managed to buy veggies, cheese, and a crepe at an open air market on Blvd. Quintet something or other, sorry i don't have my map with me right now...i walked for a good 6 hours today, and have a huge (make that two huge) blisters on the same toe on my foot. so i stayed in for dinner becuz i could not bear putting shoes on. i made a goat cheese custard for dinner tomorrow, it will be accompanied by strawberries in a red wine syrup! i am cooking dinner tomorrow night for everyone. we are having fresh shrimp sauteed in garlic and butter for appetizer, filet of salmon with hericot verts (green beans) and roasted fingerling potatoes with shallots and fresh heirloom tomatoes.
so i saw a few street performers today that were quite entertaining--a single violinists and a jazz quartet with a singer. it is nice to just sit down on the street and listen. photos of all will follow when i am home and on my own computer. i sat on a quai in the middle of the River Seine and enjoyed a lollipop (cotton candy flavored, my favorite). and i finally found a chocolatier open!!! Patrick Roger Chocolates. most of the others are still closed for their holiday, but will be open next week, so Tuesday is a full day of chocolate shopping! I sat by a pond in the Luxemborg Gardens and enjoyed just one piece of chocolate--it had a praline center that was amazing! i could have ate all 10 pieces i had bought but i am saving them for dinner tomorrow.
oh! i also bought some wine in a shop run by an american woman. it was one on my list but i was not necessarily looking for it, i just happened upon it. the streets here are all over the place and you can get turned around a bit. even me, who is extremely good at directions, got turned around. but i just remember where my north is and where the river is and i am good. i saw Notre Dame and the Louvre but did not enter becuz lines were really long and i am not much on museums and such. i did go into the church of St. Germain des pres (the neighborhood we are staying in), that was really old and right across the street from Les Deux Magots.
i am not the best with taking photos, totally forgot to take some of the market i shopped at. and i usually don't get myself in any of the ones i do take, so i managed to get my feet in some when i sat down to rest. this city is definitely for couples, everywhere you turn there is a couple holding hands or walking embracing down the street. maybe i'll capture a few to show you...i wish i had my beau to hold hands with right now.
tomorrow is a visit to Versaille to picnic in the gardens watching the fountains and listening to music. and monday is a trip to Reims for champagne!
today, i was all on my own and managed to buy veggies, cheese, and a crepe at an open air market on Blvd. Quintet something or other, sorry i don't have my map with me right now...i walked for a good 6 hours today, and have a huge (make that two huge) blisters on the same toe on my foot. so i stayed in for dinner becuz i could not bear putting shoes on. i made a goat cheese custard for dinner tomorrow, it will be accompanied by strawberries in a red wine syrup! i am cooking dinner tomorrow night for everyone. we are having fresh shrimp sauteed in garlic and butter for appetizer, filet of salmon with hericot verts (green beans) and roasted fingerling potatoes with shallots and fresh heirloom tomatoes.
so i saw a few street performers today that were quite entertaining--a single violinists and a jazz quartet with a singer. it is nice to just sit down on the street and listen. photos of all will follow when i am home and on my own computer. i sat on a quai in the middle of the River Seine and enjoyed a lollipop (cotton candy flavored, my favorite). and i finally found a chocolatier open!!! Patrick Roger Chocolates. most of the others are still closed for their holiday, but will be open next week, so Tuesday is a full day of chocolate shopping! I sat by a pond in the Luxemborg Gardens and enjoyed just one piece of chocolate--it had a praline center that was amazing! i could have ate all 10 pieces i had bought but i am saving them for dinner tomorrow.
oh! i also bought some wine in a shop run by an american woman. it was one on my list but i was not necessarily looking for it, i just happened upon it. the streets here are all over the place and you can get turned around a bit. even me, who is extremely good at directions, got turned around. but i just remember where my north is and where the river is and i am good. i saw Notre Dame and the Louvre but did not enter becuz lines were really long and i am not much on museums and such. i did go into the church of St. Germain des pres (the neighborhood we are staying in), that was really old and right across the street from Les Deux Magots.
i am not the best with taking photos, totally forgot to take some of the market i shopped at. and i usually don't get myself in any of the ones i do take, so i managed to get my feet in some when i sat down to rest. this city is definitely for couples, everywhere you turn there is a couple holding hands or walking embracing down the street. maybe i'll capture a few to show you...i wish i had my beau to hold hands with right now.
tomorrow is a visit to Versaille to picnic in the gardens watching the fountains and listening to music. and monday is a trip to Reims for champagne!
15 August 2008
Amazon...Paris
I love Amazon, i ordered my canon digital camera and in a quick weekend, i had it in my hands! almost as good as buying in person. so goal accomplished...check!
so off to Paris in 5 short days, just have to get thru the weekend and the farmer's market on Tuesday and then Bon Voyage! ok, so i don't know really any French and i am bound to look like a stupid American about 5,000 times a day but i am going to look awfully cute doing it. just got my hair cut and other beautification procedures done and i've lost 3 lbs. too!! i picked up a book today of all the patisseries and chocolatiers in Paris, so most of my days will be spent with either something with chocolate or pastry-ladened! so Excited! goal: gain 10 lbs. of pure butter and chocolate, laced with wine!
a week in Paris will fly by in a split second, just like the Blue Angels jets are right now flying by my building (the air & water show is this weekend here).
and for an update: "old flame" has become "current flame" once again. tip: lock your car doors while "making out" in Chicago, apparently people are pretty nosy here!
so off to Paris in 5 short days, just have to get thru the weekend and the farmer's market on Tuesday and then Bon Voyage! ok, so i don't know really any French and i am bound to look like a stupid American about 5,000 times a day but i am going to look awfully cute doing it. just got my hair cut and other beautification procedures done and i've lost 3 lbs. too!! i picked up a book today of all the patisseries and chocolatiers in Paris, so most of my days will be spent with either something with chocolate or pastry-ladened! so Excited! goal: gain 10 lbs. of pure butter and chocolate, laced with wine!
a week in Paris will fly by in a split second, just like the Blue Angels jets are right now flying by my building (the air & water show is this weekend here).
and for an update: "old flame" has become "current flame" once again. tip: lock your car doors while "making out" in Chicago, apparently people are pretty nosy here!
05 August 2008
04 August 2008
Farmer's Market
so i finally got ahold of the photos and was able to spend some time posting them.
my mom and i are busy baking today for tomorrow's market. the pie selection is scrumptious ...peach, peach apricot, peach/plum/cherry, and cherry/blueberry/blackberry. Yum!
27 July 2008
Wish i had the photo to post
i really need to get myself a digital camera so i can take my own photos and have them to post here. i took a few snapshots of myself and "sparking-old flame" while in his '63 Comet but they are unfortunately on his camera and that is not in my possession.
so goal this week: buy Canon digital camera!
it would also come in handy when i am in Paris, in just a few short weeks!!!
OH!, by the way, i've been introduced to another person as a "girlfriend", a word VERY unfamiliar when referring to me. Last time such word was used about me was sometime for a brief moment about 5 years ago. i was a bit shocked and a joke ensued but there was a part of me that smiled inside. maybe i'll consider if the word "boyfriend" would ever part from my lips...
so goal this week: buy Canon digital camera!
it would also come in handy when i am in Paris, in just a few short weeks!!!
OH!, by the way, i've been introduced to another person as a "girlfriend", a word VERY unfamiliar when referring to me. Last time such word was used about me was sometime for a brief moment about 5 years ago. i was a bit shocked and a joke ensued but there was a part of me that smiled inside. maybe i'll consider if the word "boyfriend" would ever part from my lips...
18 July 2008
Long Way Round
I don't know if many of you caught the documentary series on cable but Long Way Round is one of my favorite documentaries. It films Ewan McGregor (film actor) and Charley Boorman traveling across the globe on motorcycles from London to New York, the long way thru Europe, Russia, Kazakhstan, Mongolia, Siberia and on into the US. It is amazing and i am glued to the screen every time i watch it.
Well, they have done another exciting trip called Long Way Down, starting in Scotland (i think) and ending in Cape Town, South Africa. There will be a one day film debut on July 31st to promote the series to be shown on Fox Reality starting August 2. I heard this one is not as good as the first but i bet it delivers some of the great experiences of meeting locals as the first one did.
So Check it Out! Oh, you can also rent the dvd of Long Way Round on Netflix, if you like.
06 July 2008
Freedom in Freeport
Independence! What a terrific thing when you have it. I spent the early part of the long weekend with my brother and his family and his wife's family on their farm. A city girl who LOVES being in the wide open country. I just wished I could have saddled up "Brown (the horse on the land adjacent to them) and rode off into the sunset, with the wind in my hair and having the feeling of flying. I miss riding, I want to be more intentional on taking it up again.
The time with the family was beautiful. BBQ, Pool, Nephews, Campfire, Fireflies. I actually got some sun! My brother Aaron is very dear to me and I adore his wife Melanie. Aaron, who wears his heart on his sleeve most of the time, told me that he really liked seeing me sitting on the porch there with them all. That made me feel sooo loved! I told him I,too, liked sitting on the porch with them all, and then gave him a big hug. I did not want to leave them and felt a bit sad coming back into the city. I don't know if it was becuz I loved the company and country so much or if I was just dreading having to get back into work soon. No matter what, it felt good to be away.
I came back so I could be in the city for Sunday. I can't wait to go to church on Sundays. The new church i am going to with my parents is just amazing! it is The Church of Wrigleyville (TCOW) and our pastor Josh Taylor is awesome! I wish you all could come and go with me. God is really motivating me thru him to get out of my introverted self and become more "missional" for Jesus. i am more in love with Jesus everyday!
...and my "old flame" picked me up today in a convertible 1963 Mercury Comet. It was a good start in creating a spark in me again (i am a girl who LOVES old cars!)
The time with the family was beautiful. BBQ, Pool, Nephews, Campfire, Fireflies. I actually got some sun! My brother Aaron is very dear to me and I adore his wife Melanie. Aaron, who wears his heart on his sleeve most of the time, told me that he really liked seeing me sitting on the porch there with them all. That made me feel sooo loved! I told him I,too, liked sitting on the porch with them all, and then gave him a big hug. I did not want to leave them and felt a bit sad coming back into the city. I don't know if it was becuz I loved the company and country so much or if I was just dreading having to get back into work soon. No matter what, it felt good to be away.
I came back so I could be in the city for Sunday. I can't wait to go to church on Sundays. The new church i am going to with my parents is just amazing! it is The Church of Wrigleyville (TCOW) and our pastor Josh Taylor is awesome! I wish you all could come and go with me. God is really motivating me thru him to get out of my introverted self and become more "missional" for Jesus. i am more in love with Jesus everyday!
...and my "old flame" picked me up today in a convertible 1963 Mercury Comet. It was a good start in creating a spark in me again (i am a girl who LOVES old cars!)
18 June 2008
Prudential Success
2 weeks under our belt and the Farmer's Market is doing well! We were so worried the first week that anyone would even show up and buy our stuff but they did and then the second week we were worried that they wouldn't come back after trying it but they did! It is all God's doing! He is soo Faithful!
A customer, Ann Fisher, wrote us up on LTH Forum, a culinary chat site She was so very nice and loved the pie and came back the next week for another one! It is people like this that make it easier to do all the work that goes into it all. I will attach a link as soon as I can.
And pictures are on the way...
But if you are in the area of Lake St. and Michigan Ave. on Tuesdays between 7am-2pm, please come and say Hi!
A customer, Ann Fisher, wrote us up on LTH Forum, a culinary chat site She was so very nice and loved the pie and came back the next week for another one! It is people like this that make it easier to do all the work that goes into it all. I will attach a link as soon as I can.
And pictures are on the way...
But if you are in the area of Lake St. and Michigan Ave. on Tuesdays between 7am-2pm, please come and say Hi!
16 May 2008
After talking about not having blogged in quite some time and wondering if anyone is still reading this...I'm sorry for the delay. The winter was "tuff" but now my sight is clear once again and i can trudge thru the muck and mire.
my little business, ivy...Uppercrust Pastry, has been accepted at a Farmer's market here in beautiful Chicago!!! Yippie! Of course the market is in a concrete plaza surrounded by skyscrapers, Prudential Plaza to be exact, but why would we need a market if it was located anywhere else. i will be selling every Tuesday (7-2) from June to October. so if you are in the neighborhood, please say Hello! i'll try to post weekly once the market starts and show you my progress.
on other notes, i'm craving Korean BBQ and tonight i will be dining with an old flame who had fallen off the face of the earth, according to me, but apparently just did not care to communicate properly why the separation had to occur. tonight i hope to get an answer!
for all of you out there who are deciding to forge a path in another direction, away from a person you've briefly encountered on a romantic basis, I STRONGLY encourage you to communicate your decision to such person, in anyway possible, but preferably something longer than a text or post-it note. The human race will be better for it, so think not of yourself. (i recently did this in email form, a bit chicken of me, but i could not leave it to avoiding phone calls and such) It all goes back to the second greatest commandment--Love your neighbor as yourself. If you wouldn't do it to yourself than why do it to someone else.
my little business, ivy...Uppercrust Pastry, has been accepted at a Farmer's market here in beautiful Chicago!!! Yippie! Of course the market is in a concrete plaza surrounded by skyscrapers, Prudential Plaza to be exact, but why would we need a market if it was located anywhere else. i will be selling every Tuesday (7-2) from June to October. so if you are in the neighborhood, please say Hello! i'll try to post weekly once the market starts and show you my progress.
on other notes, i'm craving Korean BBQ and tonight i will be dining with an old flame who had fallen off the face of the earth, according to me, but apparently just did not care to communicate properly why the separation had to occur. tonight i hope to get an answer!
for all of you out there who are deciding to forge a path in another direction, away from a person you've briefly encountered on a romantic basis, I STRONGLY encourage you to communicate your decision to such person, in anyway possible, but preferably something longer than a text or post-it note. The human race will be better for it, so think not of yourself. (i recently did this in email form, a bit chicken of me, but i could not leave it to avoiding phone calls and such) It all goes back to the second greatest commandment--Love your neighbor as yourself. If you wouldn't do it to yourself than why do it to someone else.
02 February 2008
right now i should be working on my business plan so i can get $$$ to open up my shop, but i am procrastinating or better yet, trying to get my creative juices flowing so i can compose. i've given myself a target date for a rough draft of Feb. 8th, so i have less than a week to accomplish a HUGE task. it is probably more difficult in my head than the actual act of doing it, but as most "writers" talk about--I feel completely BLOCKED!
What is it that i really want to say? What is it that i really want to do? Who would my actual customers be? Where would i locate it? and How much $$$ do i need to start it all?
WOW!! just writing that down helps me see it all in a much more simplistic manner! YEAH! ok, now GO, Ivy, and DO it!
If you have not figured out by now, this blog is really more like my own journal, in a way. It is me thinking out loud. I do though edit for your sake because if you really heard it all, you'd realized just how crazy your friend really is!!
What is it that i really want to say? What is it that i really want to do? Who would my actual customers be? Where would i locate it? and How much $$$ do i need to start it all?
WOW!! just writing that down helps me see it all in a much more simplistic manner! YEAH! ok, now GO, Ivy, and DO it!
If you have not figured out by now, this blog is really more like my own journal, in a way. It is me thinking out loud. I do though edit for your sake because if you really heard it all, you'd realized just how crazy your friend really is!!
27 January 2008
Dizzy
For the past few weeks I have been feeling completely dizzy and "out of my mind". Actually I have not even been able to keep any real thoughts in my head what-so-ever...until the other day when i had a heart to heart with my mom who asked me the tough questions i've needed to be asked and put me on the spot with my situation and circumstances. it was what i really needed! thanks mom!
so looking back, i remembered a song i truly love and cannot resist the urge to dance and sing along with. it is called "Dizzy" and it takes me back to a time when i was young and fancy-free! listen to it on the Sonific player i put up. it also has "Cecilia" by Simon & Garfunkel (though this recording is by a tribute band, so not as good as the original). I wish Sonific had more artists that i like that i could add to the playlist, but for now, these are 2 i love.
Listen and Dance! I am!
20 January 2008
Million $$ Winners!
TK & Rachel won the Amazing Race 12!!
I love that a couple who are best friends and stay calm under pressure, can win a reality show. Shows that the Amazing Race is not a typical reality show made up of scripts and set-ups for "certain" people to be on top. at least i hope not...i am a bit naive and too trusting (especially with something i like) :) !!
i am learning how to be calm under pressure more and more these days. it is especially challenging living with my parents :) but it is a characteristic that i desire to have, so i allow myself to learn thru experiences.
12 January 2008
Jacob & Jordan
I have two very special people in my life--Jacob & Jordan. The thought of them brightens my day. I have a photo of them by my bedside so I wake up to their bright smiling faces. There was a point in time when I did not know if they would live past the day, hour or second. But God has great plans for them, so He allowed them to continue on living to see the next days, months, and years. It's been a year and a half and they have come a long way. And now my brother, Aaron, and sister in law, Melanie, have more than they can handle most days (yet my brother seems to just blend in with the kids, being one himself!)
So if you've known of their story, here are some pictures to show how amazingly they've grown. If you don't know their story... Jacob & Jordan were born on April 28, 2006, 4 MONTHS premature.
So if you've known of their story, here are some pictures to show how amazingly they've grown. If you don't know their story... Jacob & Jordan were born on April 28, 2006, 4 MONTHS premature.
My Utmost
my daily devotional right now is Oswald Chamber's--My Utmost for His Highest. check out the daily readings at www.myutmost.org/
Truly great wisdom!
Truly great wisdom!
10 January 2008
Memories
i just finished watching Anthony Bourdain's No Reservations tv show and he traveled to Seoul, Korea. It made me think of my cherished friend, Jinhee, instantly! I miss her soo and the tv show reminded me of how Jinhee LOVES her food!! (such as I do!) one of the several things we have in common. Boy! do i miss having Korean food on a regular basis! I think I must travel north of the city for some beloved kimchi and bibimbap.
I will be in New York soon and will most definitely hit up Korea Town for some good grub! Hyon Jin, I am on my way!
I remember last February. It was part celebration and part sadness because my great friend, Jinhee, was leaving for her motherland :( I know she is doing well and getting used to her new life in Korea, but there is a part of me that is not the same without the daily/weekly presence of her around me. She has great optimism and hope, spurrs you on to do greater and grander things with your life, never forgetting that we will all be together again someday. I don't know if I truly showed her how much she meant to me when we were together, so i pray that she knows now. Thanks Jinhee! someday I dream to visit you and be amongst your bright spirit and smiling face again, enjoying kimchi and bbq, smelling of smoke but loving every minute of it!
I long to cherish and truly realize and live out how blessed i am to have this life. Reading a book like "A Thousand Splendid Suns" wakes me up to a reality that is disturbingly real for some women. I ask God for mercy for them and bow before Him, asking for a greater confidence to live boldly.
here is a picture of Jinhee and Heidi, last February, celebrating my birthday and her bon voyage.
I will be in New York soon and will most definitely hit up Korea Town for some good grub! Hyon Jin, I am on my way!
I remember last February. It was part celebration and part sadness because my great friend, Jinhee, was leaving for her motherland :( I know she is doing well and getting used to her new life in Korea, but there is a part of me that is not the same without the daily/weekly presence of her around me. She has great optimism and hope, spurrs you on to do greater and grander things with your life, never forgetting that we will all be together again someday. I don't know if I truly showed her how much she meant to me when we were together, so i pray that she knows now. Thanks Jinhee! someday I dream to visit you and be amongst your bright spirit and smiling face again, enjoying kimchi and bbq, smelling of smoke but loving every minute of it!
I long to cherish and truly realize and live out how blessed i am to have this life. Reading a book like "A Thousand Splendid Suns" wakes me up to a reality that is disturbingly real for some women. I ask God for mercy for them and bow before Him, asking for a greater confidence to live boldly.
here is a picture of Jinhee and Heidi, last February, celebrating my birthday and her bon voyage.
07 January 2008
Lightning Show
tonight there was the most amazing beautiful show in Chicago. it was performed in the sky, amidst the clouds. Lightning, dancing around to the beat of music i could almost hear. i absolutely LOVE it when i can sit and be still and marvel at God's handiwork! i see the world in a new way, capturing a normal occurance with amazement and awe. He does this for us so we know we are loved and special to Him.
my dear friend, Heidi, had her own show this past weekend. it did not consist of lightning, literally, but it did light up her spirit! time spent with a cherished friend can pull back the dark curtain to illuminate the truth of the good inside and the joy of the love equally shared. and for her to share it with me, lights me up too. our gratitude goes out to God who is faithfully by our side providing it all.
what good is it to overanalyze, hold it inside and have regret? much better to be candid, love from the heart, and be who you are with confidence!! that is life worth living!
i wish i had a photo of the show for you to see but i guess it would not be as spectacular as seeing it and feeling it in person! i bet you've had a show put on for you today, did you see it/feel it? i'm looking forward to seeing another tomorrow!
my dear friend, Heidi, had her own show this past weekend. it did not consist of lightning, literally, but it did light up her spirit! time spent with a cherished friend can pull back the dark curtain to illuminate the truth of the good inside and the joy of the love equally shared. and for her to share it with me, lights me up too. our gratitude goes out to God who is faithfully by our side providing it all.
what good is it to overanalyze, hold it inside and have regret? much better to be candid, love from the heart, and be who you are with confidence!! that is life worth living!
i wish i had a photo of the show for you to see but i guess it would not be as spectacular as seeing it and feeling it in person! i bet you've had a show put on for you today, did you see it/feel it? i'm looking forward to seeing another tomorrow!
06 January 2008
vi January mmviii
I've been reading "My Utmost for His Highest" by Oswald Chambers for a daily devotional. It is an old copy of my mom's that i found on her shelves of endless books. It says on the cover "the golden book of Oswald Chambers" and i already agree with that after just six days. each day is a little golden treasure of insight and wisdom, bringing you closer to the Holy Spirit living inside. i think to really get to the depths of it all, i will need to spend time meditating on his words. Yet, i have not disciplined myself to that point. i am too quick to read and assess and move on. taking the time to appreciate and internalize is something i value and aspire to, but is a great challenge to my mind at the moment. one thing i have had to do is to refresh my memory of Roman Numerals, since he uses them for his scripture reference. i think he is challenging our modern day minds just a bit becuz only the chapter is in roman numeral, for example: Psalm xcvii 2. can you remember what that would be?
so i am fighting with a cold right now, it has a grasp upon my throat but i refuse for it to travel elsewhere!! but most likely it will win and i will be like all the other red-nosed, groggy sufferers. if only i could isolate myself from all human beings during the cold/flu season. i blame it all on my co-worker, Bess. (someones got to take the blame) right when i was getting motivated to try out new recipes and such, i get sick and have limited energy to expel. such is always the case! at least i have a good book to curl up with (A Thousand Splendid Suns) and some great Korean green tea with brown rice!
so i am fighting with a cold right now, it has a grasp upon my throat but i refuse for it to travel elsewhere!! but most likely it will win and i will be like all the other red-nosed, groggy sufferers. if only i could isolate myself from all human beings during the cold/flu season. i blame it all on my co-worker, Bess. (someones got to take the blame) right when i was getting motivated to try out new recipes and such, i get sick and have limited energy to expel. such is always the case! at least i have a good book to curl up with (A Thousand Splendid Suns) and some great Korean green tea with brown rice!
01 January 2008
Fear or Passion?
Going into this new year, I contemplate the past and wonder about the future. life is really all about choices (what an epiphany, ivy! Duh! i've probably said this to myself a zillion times, yet continually lose the directness of it).
God instilled in us free will and that which leads to choosing Him or not, and everything after that choice is or should be based upon that decision. Yet, I see in myself and in the world today, a confusion/a "limbo-land" we live in. If I would be steadfast in my decision in Christ, the choices that come to me in life would be made more simply. But i live in a confusion of what to do because I have not completely surrendered to Him and made a determination to be absolutely and entirely for Him and Him alone. I don't know if i even know how to be that with anything...doubt and devil's advocate and "it's greener over there" are persistently lurching on my shoulder whispering sweet nothings to me.
This all comes to me at a time that is Oh So familiar to me...the "Year & a Half Itch". and now it just happens to fall also at the beginning of a new year, so i've got a double Whammy! on my conscience. once again I am faced with a decision to be stuck in Fear or live on with Passion! Oswald Chambers reminds me "to be My Utmost for His Highest".
so is Fear my Utmost?? Really?? if I listen to the pitchfork lurching on my shoulder, it is; BUT, the Grandest decision I ever made and will ever make, is TRULY the ONLY thing I need to listen to and follow.
God instilled in us free will and that which leads to choosing Him or not, and everything after that choice is or should be based upon that decision. Yet, I see in myself and in the world today, a confusion/a "limbo-land" we live in. If I would be steadfast in my decision in Christ, the choices that come to me in life would be made more simply. But i live in a confusion of what to do because I have not completely surrendered to Him and made a determination to be absolutely and entirely for Him and Him alone. I don't know if i even know how to be that with anything...doubt and devil's advocate and "it's greener over there" are persistently lurching on my shoulder whispering sweet nothings to me.
This all comes to me at a time that is Oh So familiar to me...the "Year & a Half Itch". and now it just happens to fall also at the beginning of a new year, so i've got a double Whammy! on my conscience. once again I am faced with a decision to be stuck in Fear or live on with Passion! Oswald Chambers reminds me "to be My Utmost for His Highest".
so is Fear my Utmost?? Really?? if I listen to the pitchfork lurching on my shoulder, it is; BUT, the Grandest decision I ever made and will ever make, is TRULY the ONLY thing I need to listen to and follow.
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